The poems from my book "Insight of a Neurotic Mind".

 

 

 

The soft snow floats down to my warm face
and the melted water falls to the cold ground.
The bright flower pedals turn a pale gray
and freeze to the rough surface of the granite.
My painful words are lost to the bitter wind
and my sad tears are lost to the frozen earth.

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A morning frost spread softly.
The tears the night has cried
left shining on the cold earth.
A bright sun smiles in the east.
The essence of life now freed
floats quietly into the blue sky.

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I will save my tears for another
for she deserves them more then you.
I will only give my broken heart
to the endless love I once knew.

 

I have returned from where I came
but I am not the same as before.
I carry with me a lesson learned
and a lost faith that I must restore.

 

My mind has never been so clear,
I have a pain that feels so true.
It gives me purpose, direction,
and it’s guided me away from you.

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If there is such a place called heaven,
it is not my destiny to reach its gates,
for my soul’s absolution
rests inside her beautiful eyes.
It is only there that I exist,
only in her heart may I last forever.

So I must live in this place of hell,
never to hold her in my arms,
never again to touch her skin.
May god be to blame for this
for giving me the power to see,
to love, his most perfect creation.

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All My Travels

 

I have been lost and then found.
I’ve been built up and broken down,
given a smile and gained a frown.
I have been rich but remained poor
and struggled to win an endless war.
I’ve been here and there and all around,
flown in the sky and walked on the ground.
I have even sailed to distant shores
but I’ve never found a heart like yours.

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An Angel's Song

 

I've never felt this pain before,
a broken heart, a lost amour.
I don't know where I'll go
or where I can hide
or how I can mend
this hurt inside.

 

I fell so fast when I tried to fly,
you live and learn and say goodbyes.
I don't know what to do
or what I'll become
or why these thoughts
leave me cold and numb.

 

I travel through my memories,
finding only falses and fallacies.
I don't know who will save me
or in who to confide
or who will miss me
when I have died.

 

I am wandering free
without someone to guide me,
in a place where love is pain
and what is hate is only to blame.
All that is right
and all that is wrong
is just a broken note
in an Angel's song.

 

All that is right
and all that is wrong
is just a broken note
in an Angel's song.

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I snuck out the back door quietly,
I don’t think anyone saw me leave.
The cold air burned my warm lungs,
it smelled fresh like the coming winter.
The trees shed their beautiful colors
as a way to mourn my terrible loss.
Please forgive my weakness brother,
for I am not as strong as you once were.
Please forgive my stubborn heart
but I must not shed a tear for you
for a wise man once told me this:
that a real man is never to cry.

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I gave up more then you could ever know,
locked away feelings I could never show.
I left my family and left my friends,
I left behind my haunting past
and tried to forget my timeless end.

 

I gave up my hope and forgot my dreams,
said goodbye to my pride and self esteem.
I held my breathe and gave you my life,
laid my heart at your crushing feet
and tried to forget your endless strife.

 

I set aside my knowing intuition,
even forfeited my future ambition.
I gave you all that was best in me
and all I’ve gained from my struggle
is a fairytale that was never meant to be.

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Cursed

 

That day I passed you on the street …
a single moment stretched infinitely.
Still so beautiful, so vibrant.
The radiance of your emerald eyes,
I am thankful they did not find me.
We will never meet again,
for angels belong inside the gates of heaven
and the damned must linger in the pits of hell.

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Departed Dreams

 

One dreary night, my dreams escaped my slumber.
They left with the air through an open window
and were scattered across the earth on the wind.
Now each day as I wake my mind searches for them,
it leads me back to the pieces of my shattered dreams.

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Blood stains and broken bones,
another day has been wasted
searching for strength and honor
without the safety of reason.

Cigarette butts and bottle caps,
another night has been wasted
searching for truth and answers
without the comfort of questions.

Sleepless nights and tired eyes,
another dream has been wasted
searching for hope and love
without the warmth of affection.
Painful cries and muttered words,
another life has been wasted
searching for purpose and joy
without the gift of creation.

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Divinity

 

To this sacrament I confess my sins,
I confess to the evil that I hold within.
I confess to my faults and all of my pain
and to twisted thoughts of a man once sane.
I find a sanctuary for my troubled mind
and a prison to keep my rage confined.
I seek the knowledge of the truly wise,
with hope to see through unclouded eyes.
But now this bottle represents my soul,
a hollow shell, an empty vessel once full.

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During our final goodbye
you were trying not to laugh
while I was trying not to cry.
Now it’s late to bed and late to rise,
sleeping away the sun lit skies.

 

If all you see is each and every flaw
and not the loving man you once saw,
then I am truly dead and gone.
I have become an empty shell,
I am but a day without a dawn.

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My passion foolishly traded away
for the presumption of innocence,
sense deprived of thought or reason
becoming the true form of ignorance.
Departed notions return as truth
and a tragic thought my penitence.

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Fallen Angel

 

What a demon flies with angel wings?
And what sadness does his presence bring
but love’s pain and a scorpion sting.

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Forgotten Memories

 

You have stripped me of what little humanity I had left,
so what gift shall I give to you in return for this pain?
Shall it be an eternity of hatred and insatiable anger
or the bitter words of a man consumed by madness?
No, I will give you the greatest gift I could ever hope for,
to erase you from my memories and start anew.
Your only comfort will come when you think of me
and realize you were nothing more then a mistake,
all of your foolish trifles will be forgotten
and you will become nothing more then a name.
A name which once crossed my lips with joy
but is now filled with an everlasting disdain.

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So real I could touch it,
so sweet I could taste it,
my life’s demise foreseen
on the morrow of a blissful dream.
My soul torn apart but made whole,
the sacrifice of my mind’s control.
The vision of grief faded away
and a restless heart deeply betrayed.

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My heart beats faster and my eyes narrow,
every muscle tightens with anticipation.
My mind is clear, focused and ready.
The scent of my prey fills my lungs
and the taste of victory fills my lips.

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Hymn of The Fallen

 

My shattered soul will forever mourn
like a shadow cast from a brilliant sun,
the darkest blackness from the devil born.

 

My mind has been lost and left forlorn,
as the gods have forgotten man
and the memory I will always scorn.

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Illusion of Empirical Consent

The strange compliance of my broken dreams
gives retribution to a forsaken past.
A vexing masquerade of useless distraction
forgotten by the grief of perpetual loss.
My ardent wish and my sad disposition
bear the weight of an ungrateful mercy.
Frustration of my false faith a tragic flaw,
rendering the most impure condolence.
A heightened sense of sacrifice and duty
defers a peaceful serenity to chaos.

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Another sleepless night of thought has poisoned my soul,
a perpetual dream spent counting failures with a tired brow.
A numb, restless state to which no function can distract.
One more breath of sanity exhaled in a weighted sigh.
The hue of my eyes washed away with morning tears,
a once kind, blue gaze deferred to a lonely gray stare
and my skin too, once full of color has turned so pale.
Each night, this life takes a piece away from me,
more and more I am becoming nothing to this world.
I cannot escape her wrath, her torture is without bounds.
This vision, what is this vision and these colors that blind me?
A burst of intensity emerging behind a dull silhouette.
And these sounds, what are these sounds that deafen me?
A loud roar in each breath, a faint whisper in every scream.

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Judgment

 

I am trapped in a painful cage of forever,
quietly awaiting my horrible sentence.
There is no escaping my terrible blunders
so may God forgive my sad repentance.

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I ran my hand along the soft skin of her back
pressing ever so gently, feeling every curve.
As smooth as frosted glass but as warm as the sun,
it was as if her soul flowed into my finger tips.
I closed my eyes but I could see every detail of her body,
a timeless map to quiet my mind and comfort my heart.
My every breathe was filled with a pure happiness,
a divine feeling that god had created the universe
if only for this one feeling, for this one moment.

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Life Goes On

 

This jade princess
captivates my heart
and poisons my soul.
Her haunting voice
tortures my thoughts.
Over and over again
her words echo inside my mind:
"Life goes on, life goes on."

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Life's Regret

 

The heavy snow of winter falls
silencing the sounds of nature's calls.
The once flowing water now stops
and freezes the scraps of summer crops.
A bitter cold clears bitter skies
washing away the bright fall dyes,
leaving behind a bleak silhouette
and a strong reminder of life's regret.

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I can feel the pressure
building, burning, feeding.
What is my limit?
When is the end?
This world is bending my life
and sooner or later,
it’s going to break.

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Maelstrom

The words of god follow closely behind
the quick dashes of the bright sky fire,
as an innocent puppy nips at the heals
of a young boy walking carelessly along.

The hand of god gently pushes aside
the floating breath of the crying earth,
like a man consumed by a divine love
forgiving the faults of his cherished lover.

The eyes of god gaze upon this world
bringing warmth and comfort to all,
as a father’s embrace is filled with joy
for the life and happiness of his child.

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So many years have passed by
but I still find myself missing a friend.
It was not life’s but fate’s decision,
to which the answer escapes my reason.
My hope remains that we will meet again,
with the strength of gods
but with the hearts of men.

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Your breeze has stolen my candle’s flame,
a burning desire only you could tame.
So hold me in your clenching grip
and kiss me with your soothing lips,
breathe your life into my soul
and give me back the heart you stole.
Being with you is the only comfort
that I have ever known
and if you remember me always
you will never be alone.

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Treason to my broken heart
found in compliant sorrow.
Vivid joy gained through pain
comforting my neurotic mind.
A valiant man is forgotten
giving birth to a tragic martyr.
Sadness is my only savior,
disdain for life my refuge.

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New Beginnings

 

A golden hawk rests its tired wings
upon the slender branch of an oak.
The limb does not fail or falter,
it is happy to bear the heavy weight.
So far from the earth it is lonely,
its only company has been the wind.
The hawk seeing a savory meal
leaps from the towering tree
and the slender branch sways
but returns as strong as before.
“I am glad to have met you.” it says,
“You may rest here any time.”

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I pass by the graves of some forgotten souls,
stone markers carved from granite and marble.
Proof that a life once lived is now gone,
they are an everlasting reminder to us all.
It doesn’t matter how hard we try to delay
or how long we can postpone death,
we shall all meet our end and be forgotten.

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The red fox is coy, it dances in my shadow.
Curious and silent, it travels in secret.
I catch a glimpse of its magical eyes
only to see them vanish before me.
A mystical creature dances in my shadow
and all I can do is admire its beauty.

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Lend me your eyes my friend,
so I may show you this world
through a bitter point of view.

 

Lend me the words of your tongue
so I may find some silence
from the madness of my mind.

 

Lend me your ears a moment
so I may speak of this terrible sin
which is a weight I cannot carry.

 

Lend me your heart my friend
for mine has been wasted
and is broken beyond repair.

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Sacrifice

 

The cry of life echoes in the heavens.
A newborn sheep has been sent
to become prey for the wolves.

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Go ahead foolish boy, just run away.
Climb inside that bottle and hide your tears,
forget what you’ve lost and what you fear.

Go ahead troubled girl, just run away.
Stick that needle into your veins,
get your pleasure and lose your pain.

Go ahead selfish boy, just run away.
Take her home and make her pay,
gain her love then lead her astray.

Go ahead shallow girl, just run away.
Dress up nice and show off your pride,
make him want then brush him aside.

Go ahead lonely man, just run away.
Keep to yourself and hate your life,
find some joy in the cut of a knife.

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Savior

 

Ask and you shall receive,
but look not to the gods
or to those who would deceive.

Look to thyself for salvation
for it lies in your own power,
in your will and determination.

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The morning sun gleams through an open window
mocking the cold night.
A sad reminder of a better time,
a time of warmth and light.
It calls to me, asking me to welcome its embrace
but I must linger in the shadows
for I have fallen far from your grace.

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Sin

 

I must atone for my sin
locked safely away
on the dark side of the moon.
A lost reverie worn on my sleeve,
burning bridges and treading water.
A loving child’s embrace
wasted on a selfish desire.
Discarded dreams of endearment
penitence for my curse,
a gift of terror
granted to a profane sinner.
The call of the night
echoes in a fool’s heart,
sadness buys each happy memory.

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There is something feeding inside of me,
it is not the rage or anger of a mortal man
but a darkness of another kind, of pure evil.
From all of my efforts to subdue myself
I have created a monster which lies beneath.
With every act of kindness it becomes stronger,
its hunger grows as does its power against me.
It is only a matter of time so I must wait,
wait for the day the beast controls me,
wait for the day the world will see
what has been living inside my bitter heart.

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The Call of a Warrior

 

And he let forth a roar of such magnitude
that the earth beneath him shook in fear.
The thin panes of the glass covered buildings
trembled at the sound of his awesome power.
Imbued with the strength of the gods
and granted the most divine authority
that only a fallen man could obtain.
He offered a challenge to fate itself,
to test his broken heart’s resolve.

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The Canvas of Your Life

 

I’m drifting dazed the days away,
my mind is lost and body decays.
Give me one last glimpse, one more glance,
give me the time for just one more chance.
If the world shall be your canvas
then I shall become your paint,
making reality as you see it,
creating a world without restraint.

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What does death prove in the end
if only that life is a struggle,
a riddle we cannot comprehend.

 

What could we learn through our pain
but the one true lesson of life,
that losses are your only gains.

 

A place where dreams are not meant to be
and where each year of your short life
is but another act in an endless tragedy.

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Too Late To Trade

 

If god had only asked
I would have traded gladly.
If he would have listened
I would have prayed endlessly.
If he had only wanted
I would have given quickly.
If he would have demanded
I would have gone justly.
If only god had taken me.

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Tragically Beautiful

 

The stars reflected in your eyes
brings me peace and comfort.
Never have the lights of heaven
looked so tragically beautiful …

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Flowers…
I never stop to appreciate them anymore,
I don’t know why I stop now.
Somehow they seem different today,
a soft violet brushed on the pedals
with streaks of maroon and a dash of ivory.
Such a tranquil sight,
such color.
Each heavy bloom atop a slender stalk,
they look so beautiful
yet so fragile.
Their fragrance is robust and thick
as if the memory of all four seasons
was hidden inside them.
Such a peaceful scent.
Flowers…
No one stops to appreciate them anymore,
I don’t know why I stop now.

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How many times must I ask myself,
how many times must I see you fall?
If I could take away all of your doubt
and show you that life is worth living
would you let me into your heart,
would you let me love you forever?
If you could take away all of my pain
and show me that life is worth living
would you let yourself love me forever,
would you let yourself not be afraid?
How many times must you ask yourself,
how many times must you see me fall?

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What a beautiful face
and a gorgeous body,
as perfect as an angel
but as lifeless as a doll.

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Diseased refuse crowding city streets,
decaying minds of the barely human.
They know not of what they do,
they know not of what they say.
Ignorant and savage to their kinsmen,
lusting for power, pleasure and plunder.
Wanting only to harm and destroy,
to take away the happiness of others.
They act careless and without regret,
speaking lies and filth and cowardice.
May the kind show them forgiveness
but the righteous give them judgment.

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Willow of Woe

 

The weight stricken tree weeps of sorrow,
its frozen branches encased in winter glass.
It kneels before the strength of the wind
and comes to bow before my gazing eyes.
So I cut it down through an act of kindness
for nothing should live in eternal sadness.

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Will you be the one to challenge me,
to turn a champion into your enemy?
What do you wish to prove this fatal day
and what is the price you are willing to pay?
A word of caution before you choose,
my gentle nature is but a heavy ruse.
You are truly brave but a senseless fool,
in battle I am not kind, I must be cruel.
This is a struggle you can not hope to win
for to me, wrath is my favorite sin.

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